Over the past year, the rise of performative men has been widely discussed in popular media. A performative man is typically a guy who tailors his interests to align with common female interests. The blueprint for a performative man normally includes a matcha latte, Clairo on vinyl and a tote bag.

In popular culture, some notable celebrities who have been performative are Jacob Elordi, who has been known to show off quite the purse collection and has been spotted on several occasions with a book in hand and in his back jeans pocket. Or Role Model, who sports a tight Brandy Melville t-shirt more often than not.

This doesn’t mean that Jacob Elordi doesn’t read, or that Role Model doesn’t like Brandy Melville t-shirts, but the problem comes when men pretend to be someone they are not just to get attention from others. In relationships, this misleads people into believing that the person they are seeing is someone they are not.

In a generation where self-expression is frequently being replaced with self-curation, the chances of finding someone who is genuinely themselves are difficult. This isn’t necessarily our own fault, though. In an age where we all know so much about each other because of social media, it is easy to repost an artist you don’t listen to on TikTok just because the person you like might like it.

We all want our social media to reflect the best parts of ourselves and create an impression that we are proud of others seeing. The grey area of this comes when people put out posts that do not align with their true selves to create a fake perception about themselves for the sake of impressing others.

However, give the girls some credit: most of us can spot a performative man from miles away. Yes, we know you don’t actually own a vintage copy of Little Women just because you love the story’s theme of sisterhood. And yes, we know you don’t actually listen to All Too Well (Taylor’s Version) (Ten Minute Version) (Sad girl Autumn Version).

Nevertheless, everyone should put more emphasis on putting out their true selves on social media and on who they are in public. It undermines true relationships when people try to be someone they are not.

And if you are a man who truly enjoys matchas, keep drinking them, but do it because you want to and not because you want to impress a girl. Girls, don’t believe everyone is performative, but remember when you are scrolling through his responses that he probably doesn’t listen to SZA every day.

When people are authentic, we all benefit because we find people with whom we actually align and not just those who pretend to be someone else.

Read the male perspective here