Getting dressed should feel like you’re stepping onto a stage in your own way. But lately, every small detail of who you are seems to become part of a performance you never agreed to give.

Modern masculinity is being policed in subtle ways, and for many men, the fear of being labeled “performative” has made genuine self-expression feel like a risk instead of a right.

Social media, in fact, ushered in a new era for men.

During the summer of 2024, there was a noticeable rise in music and aesthetics that led men to explore identities beyond the average guy persona. Clairo’s album “Charm” became a defining body of work, an album many cherish, and a dominant effect on this new era.

Alongside this, early-2000s trends returned, trading sweatpants for selvedge denim, cropped thrifted tees and polos, with a more versatile approach. Personal style became more eye-opening, and for many men, more liberating.

Men also took this moment to explore alternative versions of masculinity.

The so-called “performative male.”

He’s the guy with a tote bag, sipping matcha, and reading a feminist book — a new social phenomenon.

As a result, debates have arisen online, accusing men of adopting soft alternative aesthetics not out of personal expression but simply to gain attention.

Despite that, these aren’t just trends. Men are revealing themselves in ways that were once dismissed as “too feminine.”

Yet as men open up, criticism follows.

Some women view these trends as borrowing from femininity, while others question whether men use these styles as a strategy — the “nice guy” to lure a woman in with their malicious intent.

These debates highlight a deeper issue: men are often forced to justify self-expression, even when their intentions are pure.

On NPR’s “It’s Been a Minute,” host Brittany Luse talks with James Factora and Manny Fidel about the internet’s idea of the “performative male.”

Men who drink matcha, read feminist books, or carry tote bags are mocked for doing so to impress others. The guests argue that this label unfairly targets men who are just exploring themselves.

Even in 2025, society still polices masculinity, reinforcing gender stereotypes by calling these behaviors fake or manipulative.

Vox writer Kyndall Cunningham notes in “Gen Z created a new type of man to avoid” that many people assume that only attractive men can pull off these styles without facing backlash. Some even suggest women should treat them like a red flag.

Linking these men to the “nice guy” narrative, where their sincerity is constantly questioned.

As a man, I’ve always loved expressing myself through the clothes I wear, and social media has also curated that freedom, giving me new ways to experiment and be sophisticated. I truly believe people can be inspired by trends and still make them their own. Shaping them into something that reflects who they are, not who they’re expected to be.

By today’s standards, I might even be called a “performative male” who rocks baggy jeans, cropped tees, quarter zips, and my favorite pair of brown sambas. I blast Fleetwood Mac and Elliot Smith, with my wired headphones — and countless other artists that might earn me that label.

But the truth is, there’s no hidden agenda. My style, my music, my choices — they’re just me.

Elle writer Ekta Sinha in “Forget The Lonely Men Epidemic — The Performative Male Era Is Here,” points out that some men’s actions are often transactional; they want approval or attention.

Although women face those experiences, labeling someone based solely on appearance or other men’s actions to impress women overlooks the fact that one man’s behavior doesn’t define all men.

We aren’t all the same, and our humanity deserves to be respected, not judged.

If authenticity is something we truly care about, then policing self-expression cannot be our instinct.

Men need room to redefine themselves, and when we allow masculinity to evolve, we begin to undo the harm that rigid, toxic norms have caused.

And just so we’re clear — I hate matcha.

Read the female perspective here