Happy Homicidal Egomaniac Day … sorry, I meant happy Columbus Day


Emmanuelle Copeland

Do you support the team before the tribes?

It’s that time of the year again. You know what I mean: it’s time for us to get a day off of school to celebrate our nation’s favorite Italian Christopher Columbus coming to America and slaughtering thousands of indigenous people. So here are ten fun things to do with your 3-day weekend.

1. Go do your homework.

We’re long due for a break, but we all have our responsibilities. Don’t sweat it though, most of it is for participation points. You can be entirely wrong about let’s say where India is located and still be recognized for your great accomplishment.

2. Shop at a thrift shop.

Don’t you love that laid-back, lived-in look? Why be satisfied with what you have when you can own something that was owned by someone else?

3. Listen to some music.

Kick back, relax and go listen to the classics. Listen to some Elvis, the guy who went on bestseller lists for his hit song “Hound Dog,” three years after the African American Blues singer Big Mama Thornton did. But Elvis is obviously the founding father of rock and roll.

4. Be a tourist in your own city.

We’re right by the culturally rich city of Chicago. Go explore somewhere you’ve never been. Of course, stay on the safe side because if you have the option to ignore the struggle of people of color right under your nose, why wouldn’t you?

5. Go on a quick road trip.

Be your own traveler. Go on a joyride. Burn some oil. They didn’t run the Dakota Access Pipeline through the ancestral burial grounds of the Standing Rock Indian Reservation for nothing.

6. Take a trip to the national parks.

Appreciate the great sites our country has to offer. Ever see Mount Rushmore? This great monument was built on some beautiful land. So beautiful it was given to the Sioux in a peace treaty before the U.S. government forcefully took it back, but that doesn’t concern you. So look at the great faces of our nation’s heroes and stand on the land of broken treaties.

7. Take a trip to somewhere tropical.

If you have the time and money, why not kick it back at one of America’s best vacation spots. Go visit the U.S. Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, or the Northern Mariana Islands. Visit all territories that the United States has total sovereignty over without giving full political rights or representation to the native people presiding over it because here in America we love honoring tradition.

8. Post about your week on social media.

History isn’t what acts are taken, but what is written. Columbus knew the world was round, so did everyone else, but in 1828 Washington Irving wrote otherwise, so that’s what we care about.

9. Go to the library.

Have a nice time reading some good history books. But warning: some of it might as well be labeled fiction when it ignores one half of the story.

10. Sleep in.

It’s been a long week. It’s exhausting. So might as well sleep on all the discrimination and tragedy that constantly plagues the United States of America.