Hair: A discussion with Zachary Kuhn


Luc Alvarez

Zachary Kuhn sits at his desk, longing for the hair of Brad Pitt.

Zachary Kuhn has been an English teacher at DGS for more than a decade now. Among other interests like the English Premier League, he has showcased an appreciation for men’s hair, becoming DGS’s most reliable authority on it. This comes in spite of the fact that he is a self-proclaimed “bald.”

Here are his unfiltered thoughts on hair, being bald and coping.

Q: In your eyes, what makes a good head of hair?
A: I will admit to being biased for hair that has a bit of movement to it — waves or a bit of curl to it. But mostly good hair is full; lots of hair even when it’s short.

Q: If you could have any hairstyle, which would you choose?
A: Brad Pitt in Moneyball — easy. That’s the men’s hair hall of fame right there. He’s never had a bad head of hair — ever. Lucky jerk.

Q: Would you ever pay for a hair transplant or a wig? Or have you become comfortable in your baldness?
A: I would never, but I don’t judge those who do/have/want to. I don’t think a person should feel bad for changing their body cosmetically, but I also don’t think the way your body looks should have any impact on how you feel. That said, if tomorrow they made a side-effect free pill that would re-grow my hair I would buy a gross.

After peaking in his teens, Kuhn’s hair met a very quick and final demise. (Luc Alvarez)

Q: Do you feel that those with hair have a certain amount of privilege that bald people don’t have?
A: Interesting question, I think Joe Biden is maybe the first openly bald President in over 100 years. President Trump wears a wig, whether he admits it or not. Lots of bald men have tried to be President, and he’s the first to achieve it. That said, there also haven’t been any female Presidents…ever. So it’s a privilege, maybe, but barely.

Q: What advice do you have for those in society on their way to being bald?
A: I think every balding man in this world should immediately start shaving their head. Half-bald never works. That Lakers player…Alex Caruso?…his half-bald look was painful. I wish I could tell my 25-year-old self to just go to the barber and shave my head. Not with a razor, just a low-setting on the clippers. You look way older half-bald than you do full-bald.