You’ve just gotten home from a long day of school and could use a break. While eating dinner dejectedly, you overhear on the news that heavy snowfall is expected in the coming hours. A glimmer of hope illuminates your tired, lifeless eyes — will a snow day save you? Here are some ways to find out:

10. Use a snow day calculator

In retrospect, I want to rank snow day calculators higher on this list, but in my heart I know it would be a disservice to our community. While snow day calculators may sometimes be accurate, the reality is that they are too unreliable. These websites think that every time a snowflake touches the ground, a national emergency is declared and schools across the nation have to cancel.

9. Rely on your trusty friend, The Weather Channel app

The Weather Channel app never fails me in providing accurate information concerning snow accumulation levels in Downers Grove. If snow buildup appears to be consistent throughout the night and shows no signs of slowing down on the app, there is definitely a possibility for a snow day. Accuweather.com? I haven’t heard of her.*

8. Telepathically communicate with D99 administration 

Although this option may be a little abstract, there’s no concrete proof against telepathy… probably. Why not give it a try? Sit in the snow, put your hands on your temples and attempt to transfer all your cold, arctic energy to the desk of Dr. Hank Thiele. 

7. Start spreading the word that there’s a snow day

I don’t condone rumors unless they are for a good cause. I’d say a snow day fits under the “good cause” category. Tell everyone you know that school is canceled: friends, parents and gullible teachers. Who knows, maybe no one will show up to DGS the next day. What a shame.

6. Stay home “sick”

Statistically, more people get sick during the wintertime because of science. Therefore, even if school is still on, you can make any day an unofficial snow day with a (fake) illness. The DGS attendance office is more likely to believe you are sick when the weather outside is frightful, anyway.

5. Send out a fake email letter canceling school to the D99 staff, parents and students

This one takes some good photoshopping skills and a lot of guts. I can’t fully get behind it though, it’s against my morals. Keyword: my. If you want to try it out, there’s nothing necessarily stopping you.

4. See how many other schools in the area have a snow day already

“Hinsdale South already confirmed a snow day, so we should be off too, right?”. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong. This is a logical tactic, but it doesn’t confirm anything about D99 in particular, so don’t get your hopes up too much.

3. Check the roads

In reality, one of the main reasons we have snow days to begin with is because the roads are too dangerous for buses to drive on. If the roads look like they won’t be easily accessible by morning, chances are you can unplug your alarm clock.

2. Rely on wind chill temperatures 

Look, cold weather in general helps your snow day chances and all, but the real indicator is the wind chill measurement: not what the temperature outside is, but what it feels like. Wind chill temperatures in the negative double digits are ideal here and truly make a difference.

1. Accept that real snow days just don’t exist anymore

Sorry, but most of these arguments are invalid this year anyway. E-learning days have officially been approved by D99, which means that even if a snow day is confirmed, we still have to do work online from home. Grab some blankets and get to work– it’s going to be a long winter. 

*This article is not sponsored by The Weather Channel app.