Okay, don’t get me wrong, I like homecoming as much as any basic high school girl and I probably shouldn’t be this cynical during such a, shall we say, spirited time but let’s be honest, some things about homecoming kind of suck. 

10. Corsages

Corsages are fun for the first 20 minutes of pictures, then the band just itches your skin and the flower flops around until it’s limp on your wrist after two songs. It’s simply the less painful but just as annoying cousin of the boutonniere. 

9. Boutonnieres

Not only did it take me an inconveniently long time to spell the word ‘boutonniere,’ but they’re a straight up pain to pin onto anything. I seriously doubt I could pin one on stuffed animal without impaling one of the parties involved. 

8. Certain faculty chaperones

May I just say there is nothing more awkward than seeing your math teacher as you leave the school (later than you’d want to be there on any other night) completely drenched in sweat and slightly unsure if those last three hours were more fun or traumatic. 

Extra points if you look like a rat because your makeup is smeared and your hair has completely fallen out of whatever complex mess it was styled in. 

7. Themes

Homecoming themes make zero sense to me. They end up being either cliche or just bizzare and they only matter for a shirt, decorations and sometimes spirit week. Plus no one even sees said decorations because it’s pitch black during the actual dance. Maybe I’m just lazy, but what’s the point?

6. Music… with the exception of DJ ChickenWang

If you don’t know who DJ ChickenWang is, I’m truly sorry. I’m not sure if the king is going to be in the Large Gym on Sept. 21 (we can only hope), which is why music makes this list. My freshman year, the music was god awful, but with the rise of DJ ChickenWang and his adoring Mustang fanbase, things are looking up. 

Also, if they play “Old Town Road,” I might sue. 

5. Proposals

There’s so much pressure to have the perfect homecoming proposal, but everyone just needs to chill. It’s not that deep. You aren’t getting married. And honestly…

4. Dates in general: overrated

Especially freshman year, everyone goes with a date just for the clout. I’m a firm believer that it’s only fun to go to dances with a date if you actually like the person you’re going with and you’ve hung out multiple times, or if you’re in a relationship. 99% of the time, all other situations end up being incredibly awkward, so put down your poster and go with a group of friends. 

3. Hair and makeup

This one’s mostly for the ladies, but I know some guys that stress over their hair more than I do, so it’s for them too. The amount of pressure that most of us feel to look our best at homecoming is insane. I spend so much time worried about if you can see the bags under my eyes (which are already too big to be carry-ons, and it’s week three of school) or if my curls are going to hold. But in reality, it doesn’t matter at all. 

2. Pictures

At least for me, the look matters solely for pictures. Junior year, I was pulled into a mosh by my ponytail. Was I upset that I didn’t look picture-perfect anymore? No. Did my scalp hate every second of it? Yes, of course. Pictures stress everyone out because everyone is worried about looking pretty, skinny and what they’re going to post that night once they’re comfortably in sweatpants. Chill out. Stop focusing so much on materialism and live in the moment. You only get four of these in your whole life, so make them count. 

1. Dress shopping

I might be the only girl I know that genuinely despises homecoming dress shopping. I hate it with every ounce of my being. Yes, I love looking at dresses online, but I’m extremely picky and indecisive, so actually choosing one that meets my criteria is impossible. I have thousands of opinions about style, color, texture and a hard veto on anything with sequins or glitter. Dress shopping is also ridiculously expensive. My favorite of my past dresses was $36. Save your cash for prom.