Here are the weekly horoscopes, complete with these original and truly “inspirational” quotes that give good advice.

Aries- ”Always do your homework, unless it is only five percent of your grade.”

Taurus- “Chromebook time during class is a good time to finish that Super Mario documentary on
YouTube.

Gemini- “Teachers love compliments, so compliment them! Lying is encouraged!”

Cancer- “Due dates are guidelines, not rules.”

Leo- “Don’t ask your English teacher for assistance on your paper. Their advice rarely helps!”

Virgo- “Blaming a missing assignment due on Google Classroom on the ‘darn’ Internet is smart.”

Libra- “Some assignments on Google Classroom are due at 11:59pm. Take advantage!”

Scorpio- “Remember, the dress code is hardly enforced.”

Sagittarius- “Take all the time that is available to use the bathroom. Go during your least favorite class.”

Capricorn- “Substitute teachers in your class equals a free study hall.”

Aquarius- “Claiming you can’t find the swipe stations means you probably can get out of swiping.”

Pisces- “Remember that honors classes are weighted. It’s OK to get lower grades.”