If you have seen me in person, you can deduce I am not very skilled in the height department. I am 5 feet and 1 inches tall, and people seem to notice that about me right away. But something I’ve noticed is the constant running jokes centered around short people.
I’ve heard these phrases so often I was compelled to make a list of the top 10 things you should stop saying to short people right now.
10. Are you tall enough for that ride?
Unless the ride is some crazy death trap with enough loop-the-loops to scramble your inner body system up, I’m usually fine. I’ve been to Six Flags before and I wasn’t turned away by staff for one ride. I only get asked this at amusement parks, but it’s still irritating enough to be put on the list.
9. Your pants are kind of long.
I know they’re long and they drag on the ground behind me on the ground. And yeah, the bottoms are populated by the dirt and grime on the ground from wherever I’ve gone, but if I cut my pants then the hems look raw and uneven. It’s a lose-lose, and I’d rather have dirty pants bottoms than unevenly cut pants bottoms.
8. Wait, how tall are you really?
I don’t understand why people ask me this. I’m not lying about what my doctor has told me, and even if I was, what would I gain from bluffing about my height? I’m not ashamed of it, and it’s noticeable that I’m short, so what purpose would I have to lie?
I mean, I could see if my shoes have a slight platform and distort my actual height a little by making me taller than I am, but even with my slightly platformed shoes on, I’m not much taller. I’m still 5’1.
7. Do you want me to get that for you? It’s quite high up.
I am not incompetent, I can use my resources to get to a higher surface like climbing on structures, chairs and more. I can also stand on my tip-toes. I’ve grown accustomed to stretching my body as far as I can to reach my target.
6. How tall are your parents?
You have to be really comfortable with me to just casually ask for defining information about my parents like that. But to answer, my dad is 6’6, and my mom is 5’1. I think people assume my parents are both super short but I just simply inherited my moms short genes.
5. Using me as an armrest.
This one isn’t as verbal, but more a physical action that needs to stop happening to short people. I hate it when someone rests their elbow on my head, mostly because you definitely didn’t need to. There are definitely other places you can rest your arm or use as a support, and me just minding my business is not one of them.
4. Did you drink a lot of coffee?
I’ll admit, I actually did start drinking coffee regularly pretty young. I like the taste and it makes me productive for a few hours, sue me. But I’m not sure the reason for my short height is rooted in drinking a lot of coffee growing up.
3. You’re so short!
Not to be rude, but I’m aware. I look in the mirror every morning when I wake up and I see my height. You do not have to acknowledge it as if I was oblivious to how I see the world from my eye level.
2. How’s the weather down there?
I’ve only been asked this twice, once by a guy trying to be funny and another by my friend making a joke, and both times were annoying. The weather does not change within 1 foot of space between you and me.
Are you done growing?
This one irritates me the most, because it honestly sounds a little rude. Yes, I am done growing. I’ve been 5’1 and a half for a while now, and I’ll be 5’1 and a half for the rest of my life. I mean, I know my height is lacking, but asking if I’m done growing isn’t the best way to say anything at all about it.
All of these examples aren’t to say that tall people don’t receive mildly infuriating comments on their height as well. Of course, I never hear them and so I don’t know the common phrases tossed at tall people poking fun.
If there’s any lesson from this article, it’s that height varies drastically for many people. Teasing comments about something they have no control over doesn’t benefit anyone, or make the world a better place. It just calls for insecurities over something they can’t change–and that’s not a fun way to perceive yourself.
