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The student news site of Downers Grove South High School


The student news site of Downers Grove South High School


Idiots to watch out for

Nicholas Sadelski
This the midday snack of an average idiot

Many idiots exist in a world of some 8.1 billion people, each bringing their own uniquely annoying traits. I believe that these idiots of the world can be place into three main groups.

It is important to preface, however, that not every idiot is a bad person. In fact, most aren’t. If one of your loved ones fit into one of these categories, please send all of your complaints to your local Nextdoor page. I am sure all of the miserable 50-year-olds will be happy to respond with passionate yet utterly useless commentary of their own. Thank you in advance.

“Ignorance is bliss”

The ignorant idiot is the most common by far. This is because every single person has been ignorant at some point in their life on some topic. Take solace in knowing you join a tradition thousands of years old.

The ignorant idiot is perhaps the most dangerous one because of their ability to be so easily manipulated. This was best seen during January 6th, 2021, where a mass of Trump supporters was so thoroughly convinced that the election was stolen that they killed one police officer and likely lead to the suicides for four others.

Obviously, those (and unfortunately many more ignorant people) are harmful, but I believe these people to be the exception and not the rule. Let us examine a less sinister example.

Let’s say a man named Hunter is having some lunch with his coworkers. They’re discussing the groundbreaking research that Boeing has done into catastrophic aeronautical failures when he brings up how the moon landing was faked. It was Stanley Kubrick, he says, as all of his coworkers breath a collective sigh of annoyance.

He goes on about how the flag fluttered despite there being no wind and whatever other nonsense that these people believe, which can be quickly debunked with a quick Google search.

There has been a proliferation of this type of idiot due to the internet and short form video content especially. The amount of videos on TikTok that are about how there’s giants, secret pyramids or definitive proof of aliens is truly astounding. Of course, all of this sounds ridiculous to the majority of people, but people do believe it, and that’s how we get people like Hunter.

Of course, there’s that person at the table that agrees with Hunter, but not in the same way. We never landed on the moon because we never touched it, he says, In fact, we never truly touch anything, he so intelligently remarks.

“Technically correct is the best kind of correct”

At this point the table starts to collectively get up: pretending to be busy would be better than listening to this self-absorbed jamoke. His desperate pleas to explain electron repulsion are heard on deaf ears. He sits there defeated and saddened that he was not able to prove how smart he is.

These types of idiots are fairly easy to spot with their pretentious manner of speaking infiltrating all social situations. They truly feel that they are smarter than everyone around them, and they will make that very clear to all unfortunate witnesses.

The worst part about these idiots is that talking to them is like speaking to a wall full of spikes that impales you over and over until you’re a bleeding mess of annoyance and self-loathing. Unlike ignorant idiots, these know-it-alls aren’t interested in a conversation. These people treat conversations like a zero sum game.

These types of idiots can also transform into a rare form of obliviousness which transcends the human capacity for obnoxiousness. For example, there is a Youtuber named Fidias who went to Africa and essentially insulted their way of living for a solid nine minutes. He acted like they were some alien species who didn’t know what a phone was.

Though the two idiots above may not seem the same, they certainly share the core characteristic of being pretentious individuals who have an uber-inflated sense of their own self-worth. In a way, they’re the ignorant idiot but from a social perspective. Outside of their tiny bubble consisting of them, themselves and they, nothing else exists.

Think back to the many celebrities during the pandemic which recorded ‘we’re all in this together!’ videos from their multi-million dollar mansions. That’s not to say they also didn’t suffer, but it’s an idiotic move to believe that their experiences were anything like the vast majority of people.

This type of self-absorbed nonsense also spawns people who yell at servers for bringing honey mustard instead of ketchup and use every living conversation to tightly clutch their pearls about how everyone is lazy these days.

Of course, this isn’t even the deepest that idiocy can go. It can be much more sinister when actual savvy meets idiotic beliefs. That creates a wonderful (re: terrifying) combination that has led to the meteoric rise of some truly terrible people.

“Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you”

There are many examples of this type of idiot in the current landscape, but perhaps the best example is Kenneth Copeland. Without mincing words, he is a horrible, awful man. Even his eyes look demonic.

He is an example of a megachurch pastor. These people essentially sell a brand of religion, which goes directly into their pockets. The figure mentioned above has an estimated net worth of some $300 to $800 million dollars, all of which he made from his humongous religious business.

Now, alarm bells should be ringing in one’s head, because a “religious business” shouldn’t be a thing. Christianity preaches living in humility and vilifies (rightfully so) those who use their massive wealth for purely personal pursuits. Kenneth Copeland instead preaches about how his followers should be thankful while he lives in his mansion and owns three private jets.

I am certain that his “congregation” would be more spiritually fulfilled if they went to an actual church. His “sermons” add nothing of value to this world. He spits off Christian terms like it’s some sort of mad-lib game and throws in a “amen” or a “thank you lord” every three words for good measure.

The funniest part about this is he doesn’t want to even sniff his followers. He would probably turn to dust if he accidentally brushed one of the attendees of his “services.” Actual priests live in their community, adding real value. They’re on the front lines of disasters, aiding the community in their time of need. The only place that Copeland cares about is his massive mansion.

He also just acts like a creep. This inside edition interview is damning and I highly recommend it. It’s a good example of how awful he is.

He uses religion to further his own wealth and nothing more. He is the definition of what it means to be greedy, and yet he has the audacity to preach Christian principles with any authority.

“Does anyone care?”

Of course, there is a fourth type: the person that believes anyone will read 1,177 words on idiots.

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  • M

    Marlene LazzaraApr 27, 2024 at 8:34 pm

    One of the funniest, most insightful writing I’ve read in a long time. Well done.

  • Z

    ZKMar 14, 2024 at 1:39 pm

    I read every word. I’m that idiot. And I’m happy to be here.