Everybody loves chocolate, ice cream, Raymond and pumpkin. But I would like us to stop and reflect. Pumpkin. Really? I would personally like to know who looked at a large, orange plant and decided that it was a good idea to put it in basically everything. I mean, let’s be honest, it really needed to stay a decoration.

Here is a list of reasons why no one should like pumpkin:

1. There is no dessert that you can pair with it that will be able to mask the sorry excuse of a flavor

2. Any food or dessert that has the title “pumpkin” would be better if it was made of chocolate—obviously.

3. Pumpkin pie is a bitter, disgusting version of sweet potatoes with marshmallows. Stop trying to ruin one of the best creations on the planet.

4. It starts with coffee and pie, but next thing you know, you will be eating pumpkin spice oysters—gag.

5. Pumpkin pie actually looks like someone mixed a bunch of play dough together, melted it, and stuck it in a pie crust

6. I’n not going to lie, it tastes like a candle …. but it doesn’t taste like the smell of the candle. It tastes like how a candle tastes. Don’t ask.

7. Just about anything that reminds us of autumn, is a better flavor than pumpkin spice—anything.

8. Pumpkin is a vegetable. It can also apparently be called squash. What? First, it sounds gross. Second, why would you ever voluntarily eat a vegetable—for dessert?

9. Your life would have been better if pumpkin never became a food because there is absolutely no way to enjoy pumpkin.

10. Actually, I lied. There is a way to enjoy it… throwing it in the trash.

I’ve been told by quite a few pumpkin lovers that it’s a comfort food—something that is not too sweet and super festive, but isn’t that the same deal with, I don’t know, say apple pie? Or eggnog? Or apple cider? I just want to know why everyone loves pumpkin!

Okay, I know people like pumpkin, but you don’t see a sixth Spice Girl named “Pumpkin Spice” do you? No? Didn’t think so.

I mean, if pumpkin wasn’t good enough for the spice girls, it isn’t good enough for anyone else.