My life outside of the spotlight

TeKavin Russell

More stories from TeKavin Russell


TeKavin Russell

5 year old TeKavin Russell was drastically different then the TeKavin he is now.

I’m a multi-personality kid, and it used to be tough. I honestly had to grow up while finding myself because I had so many different audiences I wanted to please.

This means I felt like I couldn’t really be who I wanted to be around certain people. I put on a different mask that was still a version of me, but one that would make them comfortable. That’s what generated my alter egos.

I always had mixed feelings about it, but it was comfortable for me. I was afraid that if the opposite audience met the opposite personality, they wouldn’t like it.

The idea of losing family or friends because of who I was, made me want to continue to hide what I was going through and facing because, to me, I was the only one facing it, and it wasn’t normal. I was afraid if I acted the way I felt, people would run from me; the childlike mindset.

In my freshman year of high school, I was a transfer student-I was shy, reclusive, and unsure of who I wanted to be. I was still hiding my character from people that I wasn’t comfortable with so that they wouldn’t judge me. Not realizing the people that I was comfortable with already were; a definition of fake love.

I tried so hard to stick to the status quo, but something within me came out one day. I just said I don’t care what people think anymore, after taking advice from a loved one that means so much to me, to live my life. That conversation itself might’ve saved my life because I was suffocating trying to use somebody else’s lungs to breathe.

I might’ve taken that era in my life for granted because now, looking at myself, I’m not shy, reclusive and unsure anymore, I’m the opposite. I’m not the quiet person that sits in the back of the class, I’m the person that everybody knows now and has an opinion about.

Now that I’m in the spotlight and get to be myself and do what I love doing, I am very happy, though that feeling of being able to isolate myself isn’t an option anymore. I feel like I became this invincible person to people.

I’m not seen as a normal person anymore in school. Though the love is great, it can be overwhelming, because all I want to do is entertain people.

It can get crazy because on a bad day of mine, when I don’t feel like doing anything, the expectation of my personality is still the same.

Aside from the spotlight, I’m still human. That’s something that I had to learn for myself. When people see someone who’s always on “go” it’s hard to see them with another ego.

It’s definitely been a year and I wouldn’t take it for granted. I learned a lot, gained a lot and received a lot of love. I’m thankful for it no matter how stressful being in the spotlight may be.