I’m not sure when I began my disdain for the “holiday” known as New Year’s. It may have been in fourth grade when a sugar-induced illness left me leaning over my best friend’s toilet as the ball dropped or every other year when my list of “resolutions” went an entire 365 days unchecked.

My view on New Year’s began like every other kid’s, the magical turn of the clock to mark another rotation around the sun meant my entire life would turn around. Magically, in the next few months I would become healthier, happier and maybe snag a boyfriend while I’m at it.

I have cold, hard proof of my resolutions. They begin in 2011, a list of everything I wanted to change written out neatly in colored pen at the start of a fresh journal. I also have cold, hard proof that resolutions absolutely never pan out. Those lists are ridiculous and also just seem to make me more disappointed in myself as I realize I could not be a vegan at age 12 when my parents were still cooking me dinner and I wasn’t even completely sure what the word meant.

To me, New Year’s is consistently the exact same pattern. After Christmas everyone is hopped up on holiday cheer and all around merriness, causing them to aim for elaborate plans with friends and family to ring in the new year. Those plans somehow always find a way to fall through, or not live up to your expectations.

Once you’re in high school, the pressure is at its highest. You have to ring in the new year surrounded by all your friends, living your absolute best life. This is the start of 2018 and if you aren’t living it up the second that ball drops, your year is doomed.

Except—no one cares. I guarantee no one will ask you “where were YOU when we entered this wonderful year?” because, really, we are all in the same place. I’m not a psychic but I can guess you’ll probably be in a living room somewhere with your eyes glued to the TV and waiting for the Snapchat filter to read “12:00” so you can prove that yes, you are aware we are entering a new year.

Unfortunately, I am not able to just skip past all the fluff that surrounds the new year. I haven’t yet cracked the code of how to have a meaningful New Year’s. If I’m being completely honest, we are all in the same boat. I too will be spending New Year’s with friends in a living room, probably Snapchatting. Don’t think that I will be living out the most meaningful, happy New Year’s because you will be disappointed when you see my 12:00 story. The fact is, I don’t know how to have a New Year’s that doesn’t make me feel like the most basic high schooler that’s ever existed, but I’ll be sure to share when I figure it out.

If there is one thing we can learn about New Year’s it’s this: a new year doesn’t mean a new you. Sure, you can take this day as a mark to a new goal, but if there really is a habit you want to change, why not change it today? Make plans with people you actually care about to ring in the new year, and remember New Year’s kisses are overrated and outdated—hug a dog instead.