“Head above water”: absolute trash, hazardous waste


Jacqueline Sumida

The album cover for a piece of complete trash that no one ever needed or wanted.

Jacqueline Sumida, Online Entertainment Editor

Avril Lavigne released her sixth studio album “Head Above Water” on Feb. 15 — or did she? Cue the dramatic music.

Most people know Lavigne for her hits “Sk8er Boi,” “Complicated” and “Girlfriend” as well as that horrible mess from 2011 known as “Hello Kitty” that blended rock and J-pop into a complete mess. Yet, the most interesting fact about the Canadian born punk-rock star is the conspiracy theory that she died in 2003 and has been replaced with a look-alike the entire time. But obviously, this is completely fake, right?

Lavigne once again thought she made quality music when in actuality, everything on this album sounds the exact same. An old woman trying to make pop music for young people and maybe middle age parents. Except unlike newer works from Cher and Paul McCartney, Lavigne didn’t hit the target the same way.

In fact, she missed the target so badly that she probably killed someone with the arrow. Lucky them, they didn’t have to listen to this album.

Every single lyric is simple and repetitive to the max, every verse ends up sounding the exact same no matter what song you’re listening to. In “Tell Me It’s Over” “Lavigne” attempts to sing “Darling, you/ Oh, you taste so bittersweet” to no avail. For someone who has been married twice, you think she would understand the actual emotions of love and be able to put their complexities into a song.

I’m 17, probably haven’t experienced actual heartbreak and could probably put together a more emotionally complex song than anything on this dumpster fire of an album.

“Tell Me It’s Over” along with “I Fell In Love With The Devil” and the Nicki Minaj collaboration “Dumb Blonde” are hazardous waste that needs to be disposed of immediately. In fact, the vocals on the former are the reason I gagged while listening to this album. That’s right– I gagged because the vocals were so bad.

I’ve heard middle school choirs sing Garfunkel and Oates songs better than this sad screeching bird of a woman. When a group of 13 year-olds sounds better than your professional produced album, you should just throw in the towel and call it a day. This woman can finally give up her career and maybe do something actually successful with her life.

“Lavigne” did her best Halsey impression on “I Fell In Love With The Devil”, the song with the title straight out of the Lana Del Rey book of song titles. Along with the worst vowels on the planet, she ended up sounding like the Family Dollar Halsey. Yet, it still got worse.

“Dumb Blonde” is the discount version of Madonna’s Super Bowl hit “Give Me All Your Luvin’” which hey, also featured Nicki Minaj. Instead of trying to break the stereotype that’s placed on her, “Avril” took the one-way train to cliche town and just screeched about being a “Barbie doll” for four gut-wrenching minutes. This song set women’s rights back another two years as well as hurting my eardrums for six more.

The one aspect that makes extremely angry though is that all of the backing instrumentals are completely solid. All of the mixing was incredible and the sound was pretty epic. With an amazing piano opening in each song and equally strong guitar to match, the backing tracks were flawless.

Flawless backing with a vulture crying for dead carcasses in front of it. Sad. These tracks deserve better.

At the end of the day, we all know that there is so much great music out there that we can forget about this album as well as Avril Lavigne. But this album doesn’t deserve to be called music. Instead, we should call it what it actually is– complete trash.