Sheldon Cooper is a horrid, intolerable beast set up on modern television with the sole intent of causing pain.
Sheldon Cooper is a horrid, intolerable beast set up on modern television with the sole intent of causing pain.
Owen Chaidez

Sheldon Cooper forces viewers to suffer

For some insane individuals, Sheldon Cooper epitomizes the humor and pop culture of the early 2010’s, combining sarcastic, witty humor with the early memes of the internet and real-life science. Now, if you’re a smart person, you’ll see that Sheldon is a bratty, obnoxious man-baby who has a massive ego.

Further exemplified in the prequel series “Young Sheldon,” Sheldon was equally as hard to watch, even at the age of eight years-old. Since he thinks he’s a genius, here are some films where this so-called “child-prodigy” won’t be saved by his superiority complex.

Coming in at tenth place is “Kong/ Skull Island.” Sheldon would most likely point out how Kong’s heart shouldn’t be able to support his large stature, just to promptly get tossed around by a stray rock. Being good at math won’t make you a survivalist.

Ninth place goes to “Mad Max: Fury Road,” solely on the fact that Sheldon isn’t made for the brutalness that is Australia. Assuming he survives the initial apocalypse, a half-tank, half-Cadillac topped off with flame-shooting guitars would probably send him into a panic. Then again, surviving Australia as it is can already be challenging.

Eighth place is awarded to “The Big Lebowski.” This isn’t a situation that’s risky for Sheldon, but it certainly would be interesting to see if Sheldon can handle being associated with organized crime.

Coming in at seventh place is “The Disaster Artist.” Like eighth place, the film itself isn’t an all-out action flick, but instead a film about the making of the cult classic “The Room.” Sheldon would absolutely despise director Tommy Wiseau, which is why it would be awesome to see the two battle it out with their huge egos.

Fifth place goes to “Heat.” Sheldon would spend all three hours of the film lecturing everyone on why crime is bad. Then he would get arrested by the police for being an accomplice. Too bad he wouldn’t make any money from the bank robberies.

Right in the middle at fifth place is “Whiplash.” Sheldon would be annihilated by Fletcher, but we all know that Sheldon would absolutely crush the drum solo on “Caravan.”

Fourth place is given to “Jaws.” There’s no way Sheldon has the ability to swim, let alone outswim an angry shark.

Getting close to the top, third place goes to “Cocaine Bear.” Sheldon would criticize the bear for its drug use, only to immediately bolt away because Sheldon is about a fifth of the size of the bear. Have faith, however, as Sheldon may be crafty enough to make an anti-bear gadget.

Runner-up for the top, second place goes to “World War Z.” Sheldon is a massive germaphobe, so surviving a zombie apocalypse should be no problem for the kid. Unfortunately, Sheldon has the athletic prowess of a rock, so running may not be an option.

The number one spot goes to “Saw.” Sheldon would be the one running the games, because he is a sick and twisted individual who only brings about suffering and pain. Combined with his intelligence, Sheldon would run the games like a drill sergeant trains recruits.

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About the Contributor
Owen Chaidez
Owen Chaidez, Editor-in-Chief
Senior Owen Chaidez is an Editor-In-Chief for the DGS Blueprint. He is an honors student who is dedicated to bringing awareness to the daily lives and struggles of people with disabilities, as he has a disability called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. His journey with journalism began his sophomore year, where he was a member of the Blueprint club writing reviews. From there he became an Entertainment Editor in his junior year, continuing to write about pop culture and the importance of inclusion and representation of those with disabilities. Outside of school, he is a member of the King’s Scholar program at the Brookfield Zoo, where he gets the opportunity to educate guests about the exhibits and conservation science. He hopes to attend the University of Illinois to eventually become a veterinary radiologist.

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