I’m not proud of this, but I have a confession: Give me a first name, mutual friend and three minutes on Instagram and I could definitely give you a detailed report on your life, including the red hair phase you wish everyone would forget and your closeted anime obsession. I won’t, but I definitely could, and I’m not the only one.

If you’re judging me right now that’s fair, but don’t pretend like you haven’t done this too. Let’s be honest, if someone mentions an unfamiliar name in a conversation most of us will look it up later. Not because we’re creepy, but because the internet has made gratifying curiosity ridiculously easy.

We’re all stalkers a little bit, and by stalker I mean the harmless kind, like scrolling on Instagram to see everyone’s weekend plans. We don’t do this in a weird or harmful way, but the truth is, social media exists and it’s taking over our lives.

In eighth grade I had an Instagram experience so bad that the love of my life blocked me so I haven’t done this since. That being said, profile deep-diving does have its absolute incontrovertible rules that one must abide by to ensure you remain respectful and truly aren’t crossing boundaries, of which I will now list five.

1) Never like anything older than six months. The accidental deep-like is a career-ending mistake. Just one tap on a post from 2021, and it’s over, you are no longer a casual observer, which is why the key to effective internet investigation is leaving no trace, because any digital footprint can negate your credibility.

2) Tagged photos are always the place to start. They reveal a person’s true personality before they’ve had time to curate it, which is why I’m grateful that all the photos I’m tagged in are hidden on private accounts. Instagram is expansive, so the most respectful way to find underground information is to seek out what people have already provided you with.

3) Use your online resources, but never admit that you use them. Mutual friends, old comments and following lists reveal far more than you’d think, but only in innocent ways. I reconnected with my childhood best-friend by doing this exactly, but the rules are simple: like the American government, keep it on the down low, deny everything.

4) Never scroll too fast; I missed the fact that it was my cousin’s birthday last month because of this fundamental mistake. The best things take time, and that includes scrolling, moving too fast raises the risk of missing critical information. This is why the best investigators move like archaeologists, carefully chipping away at ancient artifacts, except the artifacts are blurry group photos from sophomore year to make your friend a cute birthday card.

5) Know when to stop. Stalking is an all-consuming process, which is why self-awareness is the key to success. One time I found a picture of my aunt in middle school, and if you’ve reached middle school, or worse, actually started doing in-person stakeouts (definitely don’t), you’ve gone too far and it needs to stop.

There’s a clear difference between harmless curiosity and actual stalking. One happens on a couch, scrolling through Instagram, and the other involves binoculars and a restraining order.

Following these rules ensures that you will gain clarity effectively and judgement-free. The internet has made it absurdly easy to learn everything about people and although it has been normalized in theory, actually remembering the information is still stigmatized.

Although it’s been months since I’ve opened Instagram for investigative research, I’m still grateful for the connections I’ve gained and memories I’ve found by looking at the little snippets that people share about their lives, and in turn that I share about my own.

I’ve also learned that curiosity isn’t the problem. The strange part is that we all participate in a culture of digital transparency while pretending we don’t. If everyone is publishing their lives on the internet, it’s only natural that people will look, and chances are they’ll remember.