Top 10 Tuesday: Ways to save the environment


Graphic by Jacob Casella

Become Greta Thunberg.

I won the senior superlative of “most likely to save the turtles.” As the newly crowned king of the environment, I present to you the top ten ways to save the Earth:

10. Don’t litter

This seems easy, but some people actually litter. I don’t know who would ever do such a horrible act.

9. Buy a metal straw, even if it comes in single-use plastic

You can single-handedly save all the turtles by using a metal straw — and judge everyone who doesn’t use one.

8. Go to anger management and watch old movies with your friends

Donald Trump told Great Thunberg that she needed to do this, and she saved the environment. Follow her lead.

7. Buy a Tesla

If you don’t have a Tesla, then you are destroying the Earth. If you can’t afford one, too bad.

6. Buy a Hydroflask


5. Shop at Whole Foods

You can only save the environment if you eat organic. I don’t make the rules.

4. Tell everyone to go vegan

If you don’t follow PETA on Instagram and throw blood at people who eat meat, you aren’t doing enough.

3. Don’t flush your toilets

Don’t waste water and never flush. In fact, don’t even go to the bathroom.

2. Don’t shower

Save the environment and have BO. It shows how much you care.

This is the only rational thing to do. If you aren’t Greta, you aren’t trying. Who wants to change their name with me?