Top 10 Tuesday: Pets


Jacob Casella

My dog, Baxter, has epilepsy and is the only pet I like. He is morbidly obese.

Personally, I am not the biggest animal lover. Here is my list of the most tolerable pets — top 10 pets from someone who hates them:

10. Ferrets

Ferrets are so disgusting. The length of their backs scares me so much. I hate rodents.

9. Rats

People who have rats just to be edgy scare me, and rats scare me. Rodents are what nightmares are made of. When I was little, my cousin put a dead rat on my grandma’s head while she was sleeping. My cousin is not in our family anymore.

8. Snakes

Taylor Swift reclaimed the snake and now everyone wants one. Good for them, have fun feeding your snake live animals. Slimy and slivery creatures eating crickets and shedding skin are not the worst pet, but not the best.

7. Hamsters

Hamsters are cute until you find yours dead with an exploded cyst. There was pus everywhere in his cage. R.I.P. Mr. Squiggles, 2012-2014. Traumatic.

6. Fish

My goldfish jumped out of its tank in 2013 because it couldn’t handle life as a goldfish anymore. I stepped on it and squished it eyes and cried. Enough said.

5. Horses

Our very own Tatum Mitchell is quaking. Horses are so cool, but they are number five on the list due to cost. If they were more accessible, horse girls would win.

4. Hermit Crabs

Perfect pets without the smell or mess. Who doesn’t want Spongebob Squarepants painted on the back of their pets shell?

3. Rabbits

Bunnies are cute and easier to play with than other caged rodents, but they’re still rodents. The Easter Bunny is cooler than Santa though.

2. Cats

Number two is cats. Cats are more tolerable than any other animal on this list so far. Sure, their litter stinks up the whole house, but they are cute— enough.

1. Dogs

Dogs are by far the best family pet. Sorry, Ms. Long. Think of a pet, and you think of a dog. They are the smartest and most loyal, even though they will eat all of your stuff. Who can say no to those puppy eyes?