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The SAT: Who wants to start a DGS rowing team?

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Jacob Casella

More stories from Jacob Casella

Issue 4
March 22, 2019
Fake Insta, real self
March 22, 2019
My+ACT+prep+book.++I+have+never+opened+it.
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The SAT: Who wants to start a DGS rowing team?

My ACT prep book.  I have never opened it.

My ACT prep book. I have never opened it.

Jacob Casella

My ACT prep book. I have never opened it.

Jacob Casella

Jacob Casella

My ACT prep book. I have never opened it.

Yesterday, high school juniors throughout the country took the SAT. It was six hours of pure standardized-test fun. Where else would anyone want to be?

If you know me, you know I love standardized testing. I like to think of it as a day off from school, only I have to sit for hours and read passages about how bacteria is formed.

I am being very cautious as to what I write, as I don’t want the College Board to invalidate my scores. But I like standardized tests. I’ve taken a bunch before and feel pretty comfortable with them.

This is testing season. Every high school junior is freaking out because April is go-time for testing and the beginning of that huge, scary time of college applications.

I freak out about it because I always want to be the best at everything I do. My phone autocorrects the words “act” and “sat” to “ACT” and “SAT.”

Yes, I freak out, but I am not the worst I have ever seen. In October a girl in my testing room started crying.  In that same room, a person was sick and blew their nose throughout the whole test.

I was so mad. I still believe that my score should be compensated an extra three points for dealing with their distractions.

Today, everyone cares so much about these tests. People I know have spent so much money on tutors and books and take the test 300 times.

I know people who first took the ACT when they were 10. When I was 10, I was most concerned about what T-shirt my mom would buy me from Abercrombie & Fitch, not if I had the potential to go to Harvard.

This March, the whole college admissions scandal occurred and really brought to light the issue of people being obsessed with getting in and cheating to do so.

I will do anything to get to the top — everyone knows that.  My friend still quotes the time I said, “I will never do anything for anyone but myself.”  However, I would never pay someone to take my kid’s SAT.

Lori Loughlin, Aunt Becky from Full House, brought to light an issue that I already thought everyone knew about. People with fame, status and most importantly money can get ahead because of their privilege.

Olivia Jade, Aunt Becky’s YouTube-famous daughter who cheated her way into University of Southern California, said that she wanted to go just for the parties.

Olivia Jade, I hate you and want to be you. I’m sorry that my mother isn’t a mediocre-at-best actress, and I don’t have unlimited money. I’m sorry that I was not on a fake crew team.

I would kill for a professional test taker to take my test for me, like what happened during that scandal. I have joked about having my twin brother take the ACT for me because he’s better at it than I.

But I would never actually do that.

We’ve learned that some people will do whatever it takes to get to the top.  Aunt Becky, I admire your drive and hustle, I really do — just don’t lie.

So when I filled in every bubble yesterday I thought of Olivia Jade, Aunt Becky and Full House.  In my life I want to be the best I can be all while getting there honestly.

Or maybe I should start a fake rowing team at DGS to get into Harvard. Teachers, who wants to sponsor it?

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The SAT: Who wants to start a DGS rowing team?