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New Year, same you– honey, resolutions fool no one

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Jacob Casella

More stories from Jacob Casella

Issue 4
March 22, 2019
Fake Insta, real self
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Sophomore+Ariel+Oh+is+making+a+fake+resolution+to+be+healthy%2C+I+am+my+true+self+with+my+AirPods+in+and+unhealthy+iced+coffee
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New Year, same you– honey, resolutions fool no one

Sophomore Ariel Oh is making a fake resolution to be healthy, I am my true self with my AirPods in and unhealthy iced coffee

Sophomore Ariel Oh is making a fake resolution to be healthy, I am my true self with my AirPods in and unhealthy iced coffee

Sarah Barber

Sophomore Ariel Oh is making a fake resolution to be healthy, I am my true self with my AirPods in and unhealthy iced coffee

Sarah Barber

Sarah Barber

Sophomore Ariel Oh is making a fake resolution to be healthy, I am my true self with my AirPods in and unhealthy iced coffee

New Year’s resolutions are for people who have too much time on their hands. People who make New Year’s resolutions are the same people who only drink La Croix and have a Golden retriever-poodle, or goldendoodle. They are also the people who will put said goldendoodle on their Christmas card with the dog’s age on it like it’s a child.

People who make New Year’s resolutions are the people who buy candy and frozen meals from Whole Foods because they think it’s healthy.
They are the people who buy Patagonia coats and say they are helping the world because the overpriced brand donates to charity and uses recycled clothes.

Essentially, people who make a project out of their New Year’s resolutions are people who try to make an impact so badly but fail so miserably.

Being nice is great and all, but being nice because it makes you look good is quite frankly just as bad as being mean, in my humble opinion.

Someone told me once that Beyoncé never says sorry, and I doubt the credibility of this claim, although it does sound like something Beyoncé would do. I believe that a genuine sorry for making a mistake or doing something hurtful is something everyone should do, but don’t apologize for the things that you can’t control.
I am definitely not the nicest person in the world; however, I am also not trying to be.

When you’re only nice in small doses, people point out that you’re being nice and give you the validation you desperately crave.

When I give a compliment or actually do something to change how horrible I am, people take notice. They notice because my compliments and resolutions have a purpose.

Don’t change yourself just because it is now 2019 — change because you truly want to be better.
Also, I don’t make resolutions because I am lazy.

New Year’s resolutions are made to make the public think that your life is put together when it is not. I am not put together whatsoever — last night I fell asleep with my lights on in my room after eating McDonald’s in bed. I used the bag as a pillow and woke up with ketchup all over my sheets.

I am not put together in any month, so why should I pretend to be in January?

Trust me, the moment January becomes February, you’re resolution will be out the door, your AirPods will be in, and you won’t care about the faux resolution you made on Jan. 1.

And guess what? No one will judge you.

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1 Comment

One Response to “New Year, same you– honey, resolutions fool no one”

  1. Garrett Stephenson on January 10th, 2019 2:56 pm

    Wow. Another INCREDIBLE article by Casella. Once again proving himself an invaluable asset to the team. Didn’t like the part about McDonalds, though. Kinda gross.

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New Year, same you– honey, resolutions fool no one