Canada Goose jackets: NOT fun and flirty


Jacob Casella

Carrie Casella looks in disgust as she watches a PETA video that shows how Canada Goose treats their geese.

Every time I see someone in a Canada Goose jacket, I want to punch them in the face.

OK, maybe that’s a bit too bold. But, when I walk the streets of downtown Chicago or even the Oakbrook Mall in the wintertime, I can’t help but see these coats.

What are they? Well, Canada Goose jackets are really, really, really expensive winter coats. Any one of this brand’s coats ranges from $400 to $1,600.

That classic Canada Goose winter coat you see most people wear is well over $1,000. 

$1,000 — for a winter coat and maybe the reason I hate these coats so much is because I secretly want one. I want one so badly, like so badly. I myself have been one to overspend on clothing more than once.

I just picture myself walking through the Oakbrook Mall, with the warm goose-feather down jacket on. I have new lip injections and Botox, carrying a large Louis Vuitton purse and wearing a Cartier bracelet. My rich old husband is waiting at home, and I am waiting for him to die so I can take all his money and buy an infinite amount of Canada Goose coats.

And I go to lunch at Gibson’s Steakhouse and buy the whole menu. And I call Donald Trump and tell him how amazing it is being rich, and he says, “Anyone who doesn’t have a Canada Goose coat is a loser.”  And I nod and say, “I guess you’re right Mr. President. Thank you for helping me live my full-elitist potential.”

Then I wake up from this consumerist fantasy/nightmare. Because I sure as heck know that $1,500 for a winter coat is plain ridiculous.

And to make matters worse, this brand abuses the geese they use to fill their coats and use coyote fur on the trim– coyote fur.

I’m the first person to say I hate PETA. I am not hippy-dippy at all– but this is just too much for me. I make fun of vegans all the time –because they are often the same dumb rich people who wear these coats– but when I saw the images of the birds used for these coats, I actually felt emotion for those horrible pests.

Geese are annoying and leave their droppings everywhere. And yes, Downers Grove does have a problem with coyotes eating people’s dogs. But wearing them is plain wrong.

And to make matter worse, these coats aren’t even that cute. They are just plain, generic parkas.

People wear them because they are status symbols– in the same way Louis Vuitton has that hideous pattern and Burberry has their plaid.

And in my humble opinion, I think that people who wear things just for the status are total and complete narcissistic snots. 

So next time so see someone is a Canada Goose coat, punch them in the face for me. Just kidding that’s illegal. 

Or call PETA.