Alzheimer’s Disease changes lives.  I don’t think anyone is ever ready for the impact that this disease holds for families. Personally, I was heartsick from my grandma’s diagnosis three years ago. It has greatly affected my life, but I have found and learned many things from this.

As I sat in my kitchen with my mom, I knew something was up. I sensed a disturbance in my mom’s voice as she tried to talk to me about what we should have for dinner to stall her mind from something she clearly had to say.  

As the conversation began to slow, my mom gave me a long look.  I proceeded to ask her what was wrong and she finally gave in.

“Grammy has Alzheimer’s,” she said with a crack in her voice.

Those words spun around in my head for awhile and I was shocked.  Suddenly my whole world had changed. My grandmother was my best friend, I went to her house everyday.

 

We hung out, she read the newspaper to me, I walked her dogs with her and baked with her. Baking was our favorite way to pass time. The best was when we made our famous powdered sugar brownies.  

There was nothing I loved more than spending quality time with my grandmother. To me, she was the perfect woman and she deserved the best and nothing less. It was when I found out she had Alzheimer’s that made me question many things in my life.

This diagnosis had flattened me. As the years went by, she progressively got worse. Alzheimer’s is incredibly unforgiving.  

Knowing there would be a day when my grandma wouldn’t know me was one of the most appalling feelings I have ever had to deal with. She eventually moved into a nearby residential care facility for Alzheimer’s.  My mom and I went to visit her and I remember our most recent visit distinctly.

We walked in, signed in and walked towards her room. I walked in and said hello and asked her how she was. It was in that moment that her next words had torn me to pieces.

She turned to my mom and asked blatantly, “Do I know her?”

I looked to my mom in need of immediate comfort. My mom’s eyes began to fill with water. I turned back to my grandma and we locked eyes.

She looked at me as if I was a stranger. I walked out of the room, sat down in the hallway and broke down.  It was in this moment when I realized in order to continue to care for my Grandma, I had to accept the way things were. I had to accept how things were going to be for the years to come, and I needed to introduce change into my life.

I have had my fair share of ups and downs. And I am not naive enough to think that all the painful things we go through in life are good and have a sense of beauty no matter the circumstance.  All the pain, garbage and darkness we all go through in our lives, is just pain and garbage and darkness. It is not poetic or beautiful.  

What is important is how we overcome the obstacles that are thrown our way and who we are through it all. I have personally grown from this substantially. My grandma being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease was an event in my life that will continue to affect me forever.

However, the instances with my grandma that I have gone through and will continue to experience have provided me with so many new understandings in my life. The truth of the matter is that there is no stopping Alzheimer’s. There is no slowing it down, and there is no cure.  This has led me to understand that the real lessons in life are found not in our happiest moments, but in our struggles.

I now understand that family is not just one important aspect of a person’s life, it is everything. I have beyond doubt been impacted from my grandmother being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and it will continue to affect me until the end of time. The important thing is to cherish the time we have with our loved ones.

Memories are worth fighting for.